I always wanted 2 kids but my resolve dwindled for a long while after I had my first. My daughter brought unbound love and joy in my life, she made me love her with the intensity I didn’t know existed within me and she made all the soppy motherhood quotes ring true. I felt all the love I had I spent on her and now there wasn’t any left for the second baby. My world revolved so much around her that I felt there was no place for another child. After all there can only be one sun in a solar system! My fears gripped me so much that I almost dropped the idea.
Then somewhere I read a mom’s quote:
You don’t have to split your love in two, your heart just grows a little bit bigger.
The hope and strength these words gave me combined with my long time desire of 2 propelled me to finally have another child.
As the due date grew closer the fear in my heart grew too… the What Ifs plagued me. I tried to spend more and more time with VMJ. We even took a vacation a couple of months before the baby arrived thinking of it as the last time it will be only us and VMJ. It was a planned cesarean and I was very emotional when we decided the date. That was it – the end of my princess’s solo reign.
My fears stayed with me until I held my baby boy for the first time – he was a tiny bundle of perfection, and I was entranced!
I made a lot of effort to give VMJ the same love and attention as she got before the baby arrived, at the same time I realized how the baby pulled at my heart strings. Though I did not stay up at nights just to look at him like I did with VMJ, I did hold him closer and longer every time he was in my arms because I now knew how fast they grow up. VMJ’s fascination with him and urge to spend all her waking moments near the baby made it much easier for me. Very soon the baby was so much a part of our family as if he had been there forever.
Both my husband and I used to feel that we wouldn’t be too excited about his milestones and antics because of course we had seen it all but this little guy proved us wrong. We were enthralled with each expression, each attempt to crawl made us jump with joy and each mischief had us rolling on the floor with laughter. We have enjoyed each and every look on his face and each action as if we were watching it for the very first time. In fact, this time it was even more wonderful because VMJ watched and enjoyed with us, and most times the chemistry between the siblings multiplied the fun.
With your first child you love all the moments because you are seeing them so closely for the first time. Our second is also our last so we enjoy it more because it’s the last time we are seeing him this small. Today, in this moment, he’s the youngest he will ever be. Who knows if this is the last time he’s using his arms to drag him forward, or the last time we’ll see his toothless smile or the last time he’ll crawl with his little bums swaying left and right. With the first child you are always excited for what’s going to come next, with the second, you want to make the most of the moment that is.
I was not sure I could, but I am so happy that I am loving my second child as much as I love my first. Yes, there is a difference in the way I love them both – maybe because of their different ages or different personalities, but there is equal love for both of them.
If this question haunts you too then take my word and forget about it. If you love your first child you will love your second, third or even tenth with the same fervor. The love may change with time but it will always be there. Trust me!